In the beginning….

In the beginning Philip created the Grid.  And the Grid was without form, and digitally void; and darkness was upon the face of the screen. And the Code of Philip moved upon the chips of the memory.

And Philip said, llRezObject(“Object1”, llGetPos() + < 0, 0, 2 >, ZERO_VECTOR, ZERO_ROTATION, 42); and there were boxes.  And Philip saw the boxes, that they were good; and Philip divided the boxes from the darkness.  And Philip called the boxes Cubes, and the darkness he called Not Cubes.

And the evening and the morning were the first day.

And Philip said, Let there be a firmament in the midst of San Francisco, and let it divide the cubes from the void.  And Philip made the firmament, and divided the bytes which were under the firmament from the bytes which were above the firmament: and it was so. And Philip called the firmament the Asset Server, for its contents were heavenly, and did multiply past all understanding. And the evening and the morning were the second day.

And Philip said, Let the bytes under the asset server be gathered together unto one place, and let the dry land appear: and it was so. And Philip called the dry land Linden World; and the gathering together of the waters called he Impassible Beyond This Border: and Philip saw that it was good. And Philip said, Let the ground bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit after his kind, whose seed is in itself, upon the ground: and it was so. And the ground brought forth grass, and herb yielding seed after the texture thereof, and the tree yielding fruit, whose appearance was simulated in three flattened prims, after his kind: and Philip saw that it was good. And the evening and the morning were the third day.

And Philip said, Let there be lights in the asset server to divide the day from the night; and let them take place four times a day in succession: and it was so. And Philip made two great lights; the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night: he made the stars also. And Philip set them in the asset server to give light upon the ground, and to rule over the day and over the night, and to divide the light from the darkness, unless the WindLight settings were changed in the client so that none would know when it was day or night: and Philip saw that it was good. And the evening and the morning were the fourth day.

And Philip said, Let the Grid bring forth abundantly the moving creature that seems to hath life, and fowl that may seem to fly above the earth in the simulated sky. And Philip created great whale bots, and every simulated creature that moveth, which the Grid brought forth abundantly, after their real kind, and every winged fowl after his real kind, and some that were totally unreal as well: and Philip saw that it was good. And Philip blessed them, saying, Be fruitful, and multiply, and fill the waters in the seas, and let fowl multiply in the earth, within the prim limits of the sim that you inhabit. And the evening and the morning were the fifth day.

And Philip said, Let us make avatars in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the sims of the sea, and over the WindLight settings of the air, and over the prims, and over all the ground, and over every thing that duck-walketh upon the ground. So Philip created avatars in his own image, in the image of Philip created he him; male and female created he them (unless the Resident chose to bend their gender). And Philip blessed them, and Philip said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and become partners for L$10, but divorce for L$25: and have dominion over the sims of the sea, and over the WindLight settings of the air, and over the prims, and over all the ground, and over every thing that duck-walketh upon the ground. And Philip saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day.

And on the seventh, day, Philip obtained venture funding.

But on the eighth day, the avatars murmured amongst each other, and taxed Philip, saying, Why must we look like our creator, whose mustache doth wax like unto a porn star’s, and whose codpiece doth shine like a coat of many colors, and whose hair hath more spikes than a railroad? And the avatars created Nicky Ree, and Baiastice, and Donna Flora, and Prism, and PXL, and ETD, and Sinsation, and Truth Hair, and AOs, and more beyond. And the avatars said that it was better.

And Philip departed to create another company.

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With thanks to an old, old comedy album called The Begatting of the President, which took the same concept to the political and social events of the 1960s, and was read unto the peoples by Orson Welles.

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UPDATE, April 15:

This post is a Fabbie!

Completely unexpected, Cajsa Lilliehook awarded this piece of frivolity a Fabbie, the occasional honor bestowed by her and her co-writers at It’s Only Fashion.  I don’t know where all my comments went to, so I’m linking directly to the article; and I’m gonna twitch the comment settings here.

Posted April 13, 2012 by Harper Ganesvoort in History, Humor

Tagged with , , , , , ,

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